November 28, 2007

V for Vendetta

I know there's no way I can convince you this is not one of their tricks, but I don't care. I am me. My name is Valerie. I don't think I'll live much longer, and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography that I will ever write and God, I'm writing it on toilet paper.

I was born in Nottingham in 1985. I don't remember much of those early years, but I do remember the rain. My grandmother owned a farm in Tottle Brook and she used to tell me that God was in the rain. I passed my 11 Plus and went to girls' grammar. It was at school that I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. It was her wrists. They were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't.

In 2002, I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me. He told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing. But I'd only told them the truth. Was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little, but it is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us. But within that inch we are free.

I'd always known what I wanted to do with my life and in 2015 I starred in my first film, The Salt Flats. It was the most important role of my life. Not because of my career, but because that was how I met Ruth. The first time we kissed I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again. We moved to a small flat in London together. She grew Scarlet Carsons for me in our window box and our place always smelt of roses. Those were the best years of my life. But America’s war grew worse and worse, and eventually came to London. After that, there were no roses anymore.

I remember how the meaning of words began to change. How unfamiliar words like “collateral” and “rendition” became frightening while things like “Norsefire” and “The Articles of Allegiance” became powerful. I remember how “different” became dangerous. I still don’t understand it…why they hate us so much. They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I had never cried so hard in my life. It wasn’t long till they came for me. It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and apologized to no one.

I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch, but one. An inch. It is small and it is fragile and it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must NEVER let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.

-- Valerie

from the film V for Vendetta

October 26, 2007


This is a fascinating picture taken from the NY Times Blog "The Lede" from their coverage of the SoCal fires. It shows the smoke from these Wildfires as seen from space. It really just puts into perspective how seriously powerful these fires are.

The San Diego Fires - my reaction as a victim

Below is a blog comment that I left on the NY Times website about the Wildfires raging through my hometown of San Diego. It's comment # 313 if you click the link above:

I didn’t find out what happened to my house until yesterday when my mom
called me. My house, the house I grew up in and that has been in my family for
almost 30 years, is gone. The place where my house used to be now resembles “a
volcanic crater” according to my Dad. I’m currently studying abroad in Madrid,
Spain, and while I’m here going through midterms, the rest of my family is in
Escondido, CA dealing with the greatest disaster we’ve ever gone through…and I
don’t know what to do. Right now I’ve kind of just pushed everything to the back
of my mind, pretending like it’s just some primetime drama I watch on Thursday
nights, and not something real that’s actually happening. Because I’m afraid
that if I allow myself to face the truth then I won’t be able to function and
take care of my responsibilities. I have midterms right now and I want to make
sure that I do my best so that during this dark time I can show my parents my
strength just like they’ve shown me theirs.

Look, there is a lot of political arguing and a lot of placing blame that
is going to happen in the next few months, and it makes me shudder. Solidarity
is what we need, not more division. Not more division about what’s going on in
Iraq. Not more division about what to do in Burma. Not more division over our
ecological footprint. And not more division about who gets blamed for what did
or did not happen in response to this, our most current, disaster. The more we
criticize, insult, and divide each other the weaker we become. I encourage you
to remember in these coming months that it is our solidarity and trust in our
fellow man that will get us through. It is our care we exhibit and our actions
that will give support, and not our words and arguments. We must act like we
care, not just talk like it. We must make change, not just talk about it. We
must live what we believe, and create the world that we want to live in, not
just dream of it.

To everyone in San Diego. To all my friends and neighbors I hope that you
are safe. Some of you may have lost your homes, like me, but you still have your
lives and your loved ones. Remember those were only things that burned in the
fire. Things that represented memories and emotions which we still have in our
minds and hearts. No fire can take them away. I encourage you to not be afraid
to seek help and counseling from friends or professionals. It is important to
let people in especially during a time of pain like this. Love is what will heal
us and make us strong once again. Right now we have a choice, a choice to act
out of fear or out of love. With every action we must choose.

I choose love.

August 17, 2007

blah blah, i'm alone

The later it gets, the more bitter I feel...especially when I'm alone.

btw I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog to "Jordan is EMO"
....that was a joke, ha-ha

August 15, 2007

I feel bitter

I'm pretty sure I will never find love, which is probably why i will never find it.

July 09, 2007

Re-alignment is necessary, just like on tires

I'm in the process of reconciling "me" with "Jordan." At some point I got so off track that Who I Really Am no longer lined up with Who I Was in front of others. I realised that I could easily admit my love for "myself" but it was very difficult for me to say that I loved "Jordan." From my view of the world, this is a bad thing. So now I'm fixing it. It's time to align myself and become centered once again.

March 19, 2007

Let's all play the game

Sitting in a tea shop, trying to write a rough draft for my class tomorrow, I have just realized how easy it could be to feel utterly alone despite being trapped on an island with 8 million other people. And although I now understand how it can happen, I do not feel alone. Quite the opposite, the more I'm surrounded by people the more I feel connected with the world. Which gets me to thinking. The only way to counteract that potential for utter desperation is to stop being so self-centered.

If you are so arrogant as to think that your presence alone doesn’t effect the people around you, then you need to get your head out of your ass. I tell you this: YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE. Surprise! You’re NOT a super-hero! Yes people can and do see you, and you know what if you weren’t so focused on yourself all the time then you might actually notice this for yourself. Hundreds if not thousands of people look at you everyday, are you looking at them? Are you really? If you aren’t even willing to see them, then what right do you have to expect them to see you?

The most attractive people are the ones who are the most interested…interested in life, the world, and everything. The more interested you are, the more interesting you will be. Join the team, play the game, and try and have some fun.

February 14, 2007

Have a Very Special Valentine's Day!!!

click the link if the animation doesn't work!'s-07.gif

February 12, 2007

An anecdote from an Advanced College Essay assignment

Keeping an open-mind is crucial to living harmoniously and growing effectively. The more limits one places on him or herself the more one is excluded from the full experience of life. Labels and prejudices hurt the self as much as they hurt other people.

Tolerance is perhaps one of the most crucial tools a person can have as they grow and become a functional citizen of the world. Lack of tolerance leads to lack of understanding which leads to divisions and polarizations which have trapped all of mankind into a cycle of war, destruction, pain, oppression, recovery, freedom, and then war again. We don’t realize that we’re more than just neighbors, we’re roommates. It is you and 5.999999 billion other people all living together. We all live interdependent of each other. It is a world where independence and interdependence exist simultaneously. No man is an island.

The world is the island which we all can share. Find beauty in that which is beautiful and also that which others say is not. Look at things from different perspectives. Strive to understand what something looks like to someone else. You'll find that no one person does anything wrong from their perspective of the world. Every person is justified, if only from their point of view.

Have faith and trust that man is inherently good. Trust in yourself and believe that you are supposed to be here – that you are valuable. Have tolerance not only for the world but for yourself. Keep an open-mind and let yourself see the world for the wonderful and beautiful place that it is.

-- Jordan