December 31, 2006

Thoughts for a New Year

(borrowed from Express Tire Inc.)

Each New Year many of us think about ways to improve our lives. It’s like pruning a tree to make it grow bigger and stronger. The pruning is painful the growth is tremendous.

Be grown-up and take responsibility for yourself. Don’t let others steal your dreams. Set goals and hold yourself accountable. Educate yourself, read books that are uplifting, nurture your spirit with positive influences.

Live healthy, your body and brain need exercise. Eating right and exercising give you more energy so that you can persevere in reaching your goals.

Deal with truth in your life so that you can make better choices and decisions. When getting advice, consider the source. Learn from your mistakes. Be willing to forgive yourself and others. Carrying around anger, hatred, or disappointment is toxic to your spirit. You aren’t hurting others when you hold in hatred or anger you hurt yourself.

Quit using no actions alibi, we are guilty from time to time of using convenient alibis for not persevering to our goals. Be honest recognize the alibi for what it is and not make alibis a way of life.

Identify counter productive habits or thoughts you would like to discontinue then dump them. Focus on what you can do, not what you cannot do.

Don’t let others bring you down. Remember you can’t change anyone except yourself and that life always rewards positive actions. Invest in yourself, you are your best investment. Surround yourself with others that are positive and never give up.

We can’t avoid problems we all have them. How and when we deal with them will determine your success and happiness. Keep your dreams real. Stand up and be accountable. Make your life grow. Work on it each and every day. It’s easy to fall in the feels good if I do this mode. (Drinking, doing drugs, gambling, etc)

That is why perseverance is the common denominator for success. So powerful is perseverance that failure cannot exist in its presence.

Have a great 2007!

December 26, 2006

The Affectation of Love

December 21, 2006

Merry Christmas to my friends!!!

December 11, 2006


The Question is

I love questions. I love that they usually are more interesting than the answer. They hold so much possibility. They can be whatever you want them to be. When asking a question you don't have to be worried about being right or wrong. You can just ask, send out your inquisitive thought to the world. And in my experience I have often found that my answer eventually gets back to me. Sometimes it is immediate, sometimes it takes an extremely long time, and sometimes it's somewhere in between.

I have a lot of questions in my life right now...always. Questions about essays and interpretive claims. Questions about future and life. Questions about friends and questions about relationships, love, pain, and all else in between.

One downside about questions is that they can be pretty darn annoying. Especially those ones that don't go away. The worst questions are the ones that you think about everyday right when you wake up. Like "How am I ever going to write my essay?" or "Why am I so hung up on this guy?" I've been carrying these two questions around with me for awhile. The former of the two will be answered at the latest on this Thursday at 12 noon. The latter...well it's hard to say when I'll get to answer that question.

I think the problem lies in how I should go about answering these questions. I'm not really sure what to write about in my essay, and the situation with the guy is so ambiguous and awkward that it's hard for me to get close enough to it to really explore what happened.

It's always unfortunate, you know, when situations are pushed so far to one extreme and a hole has been dug so deep that now no one knows how to deal with it. Usually when it gets like that, I just stop worrying about social appropriateness and rules of relationships and just take everything head on. I'm like a blunt instrument, a bull in a china shop, I just say what I think and throw all decorum out the window. Because there comes a time when my patience and decency just wears out and I am so desperate for some peace that I'll force it if I have to. But in this current situation I'm avoiding doing any of that at all costs. It is my experience that being a blunt instrument doesn't generally give you desirable results. Sure you may get answers but they are forced answers and they generally come out on the negative side. So I'm trying to teach myself patience. Eternal, infinite, un-ending patience. The answer will come, guaranteed. No matter how long it takes I know, I KNOW, that the answer will come as long as I am ready to receive it.

December 05, 2006

Conversations With God, Bk 1

Chapter 2, page 58, God says:
Let Me explain something to you. You have this idea that God shows up in only one way in life. That's a very dangerous idea.

It stops you from seeing God all over. If you think God looks only one way or sounds only one way or is only one way, you're going to look right past Me night and day. You'll spend your whole life looking for God and not finding Her. Because you're looking for a Him. I use this as an example.

It has been said that if you don't see God in the profane and the profound, you're missing half the story. That is a great Truth.

God is in the sadness and the laughter, in the bitter and the sweet. There is a divine purpose behind everything -- and therefore a divine presence in everything.

by Neale Donald Walsch
However difficult it may be for you to accept the idea that God said this, is in fact saying this right now, is in fact talking to you in every moment -- however difficult that may be for you I ask you to please open your mind and consider what this quote means to you.

November 28, 2006

R.W. Emerson Knew His Shit

Essays: First Series

From History
In old Rome the public roads beginning at the Forum proceeded north, south, east, west, to the centre of every province of the empire, making each market-town of Persia, Spain, and Britain pervious to the soldiers of the capital: so out of the human heart go, as it were, highways to the heart of every object in nature, to reduce it under the dominion of man.
A man is a bundle of relations, a knot of roots, whose flower and fruitage is the world.
From Self-Reliance
Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day.--'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.'--Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.

November 19, 2006


I can't get no respect.

What I need to find out is why people like to think they can be totally disrespectful to me. It's like a pattern is forming. I get close to someone, things seem to be going well, and then 'poof' they disappear. No decency, no goodbye, no warning whatsoever...they're just gone. And they expect me to be okay with that? What am I supposed to do just lie down and take it? Do I give off that impression? Am I a pushover? Granted, I try and be accommodating, to be understanding, laid-back and easygoing, because, well, that's what I look for in another person. I mean I'm a big believer in that whole "do unto others" golden rule. So yeah I try to be a nice guy, especially when I really like the person, but still they just disappear, they won't talk to me, they won't give me a reason, they're just gone.

I feel like I always have to be the bigger person, the mature one. I just have to take the punches because I'm a good guy and I know better. But come on people, can I get just a little respect?

Here are my rules for dating:
  1. We go out. Whoever picks the venue does the paying...if you go out more than once then payment should be traded-off.
  2. If things go well after a couple dates then we talk about whether we're interested in becoming exclusive.
  3. If things aren't going well, for either of us, and we have dated each other more than once then communication is a MUST. We have the responsibility of telling each other that it's just not working for ANY's not like we're committed yet, so either person has a right to pull out whenever they want. But be cool and make sure to communicate it, don't just disappear!
  4. If we decide to become exclusive then regular rules for relationships apply.
My #1 rule is to ALWAYS COMMUNICATE! As long as you are being honest then I don't care what you say, because it's always better than just going away and not saying anything at all.

November 13, 2006

Listening to God

So in order to try and get on with my work today and try and satiate these emotions that distract me, I'm going to try and write them out.

When you want something you are guaranteeing that you won't have it, ever. For as long as you want something you cannot have it because the want itself is a declaration of your personal lack. But this lacking that you have is an illusion for there is nothing that you do not have and there is nothing that you cannot do. The realization and knowing of this will change your life. Simply believing it is not enough, you must know it and see it in yourself, your life, and everything around you.

Know that you have EVERYTHING. There is nothing that you cannot have, do, or overcome as long as you choose it as an expression of Who You Really Are. Pain comes from actions that deny Who You Are. All pain and trouble you have results as a separation from Who You Are, and when you deny Yourself, you deny God, for the two are one in the same. So also as you deny God, you deny Yourself.

This pain I feel is of my own creation. I have not lost some part of myself, and I have not been rejected. I must always ask myself, "What Would Love Do Now?" And in asking this I must also remember that:
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, for it knows that there is no such thing as right and wrong. Love bears all things, knows all things, endures all things, embraces all things, yet forgives nothing, for love knows that nothing and no one needs to be forgiven."
I must be patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, arrogant, or rude. I must not be controlling, irritable, or hold resent. I will not rejoice at wrong, for there is no such thing as right and wrong. I must bear all that you do, embrace all that you do, and endure all that you do. And I realize that nothing you do need ever be forgiven. Love, real love, love for all people, for all mankind, is unconditional. My love, if it is REAL love, for my friends, family, lovers, and all people is unconditional. I will NEVER stop loving you, all of you, for to stop loving you would be a denial of Who I Really Am.

So when I say that I want you, I am in fact saying that I do not have you. That is what causes me pain, my feeling of lack. However the simple, wonderful, and liberating truth is that I lack nothing. It is there as long as I choose to see it. Focus on the positive, always look for the positive. Look for the good in every situation, I promise you that it is there, always, everywhere. This is hard to do, believe me I know it is difficult. But have faith and know that God has already provided everything you need, in fact he has already solved your problem for you. Let go of your troubles and go within, for if you do not go within, then you go without.

If I do not go within, then I go without. Go within, and in all you do, come from within. Come from God, express Who You Really Are.

November 05, 2006

An old quote from my MySpace, a million years ago

From The New Revelations by Neale Donald Walsch:
"People are returned to themselves when they are allowed to think their own highest thought about themselves, and to announce it. You give people back to themselves when you announce it for them. Do not let a moment go by in which you have an opportunity to tell someone how magnificent they are. Do not let an opportunity pass in which you may offer praise. Give people the gift of self-esteem, and you will have given them a gift that many cannot find a way to give themselves. Yet when they find themselves through you, and return to their own most glorious vision and their own grandest idea of who they really are, they are lost no more, for you have returned them to themselves. Once they were lost, but now they are found.

To change people's behavior, change people's ideas about themselves. To change people's ideas about themselves, change their beliefs about Life and about God. If you think that you were born in sin, are a sinner now, and will be a sinner always, how are you most likely to act? Yet if you believe that you are One with God, that you walk in step with the Divine, how, then, will you behave?

I tell you this: You are an angel. You are the angel for whom someone is waiting today."
God sends us nothing but angels.

November 02, 2006

So I finished my Java City not Coles

From Friendship With God by Neale Donald Walsch:

"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, for it knows that there is no such thing as right and wrong. Love bears all things, knows all things, endures all things, embraces all things, yet forgives nothing, for love knows that nothing and no one needs to be forgiven." p415

"Life is eternal, and there is only One of Us. These two truths summarize everything, and change everything.

Life is eternal, and there is only One of Us. These two truths are all you will ever need to know." p406

So now I'm just waiting for my new books, Conversations With God Bk 1, 2, & 3, to get here. In case you are interested at all Neale Donald Walsch has also authored numerous other books. After the 3 books of the CWG series I plan on reading Communion With God. All his books come highly recommended by me and millions of others. Read them in order or out of order, makes no difference. But if you are ready and willing to transcend yourself then look 'em up. You can find them all pretty cheap online and even at the Strand if you happen to live in NYC :)

I'll close with a favorite quote from the film V for Vendetta:
"But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you."

October 29, 2006

I was at Coles, and when I'm there I read

From Friendship With God by Neale Donald Walsch:

"Again I say: put an End to Better.

For this is the New Gospel: There is no master race. There is no greatest nation. There is no one true religion. There is no inherently perfect philosophy. There is no always right
political party, morally supreme economic system, or one and only way to

Erase these ideas from you memory. Eliminate them from you experience.
Eradicate them from your culture. For these are thoughts of division and
separation, and you have killed each other over these thoughts. Only
the truth I give you here will save you: WE ARE ALL ONE.

Carry this message far and wide, across oceans and over continents, around
the corner and around the world." p359

"That old message of right and wrong, crime and punishment, good and evil,
everlasting rewarding and everlasting damnation, has done nothing to end the
suffering on your planet, to end the torture that you are inflicting upon
yourselves. And that is because it is a message of separation.

There is only one message that can change the course of human history
forever, end the torture, and bring you back to God. That message is The
New Gospel: WE ARE ALL ONE." p373

"Yet I have told you, this is God. This is what you mean, what
you have always meant, by the word God. God is first cause. Unmoved Mover. That
Which Was before That Which Is, was. That Which Will Be after That Which Now Is,
is no longer. The Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the End." p378

"Remember this, always: The soul is that which beholds
beauty even when the mind denies it.
" p385

The movie Conversations With God is now playing in limited release around the country. I saw it last night with my parents and my good friend's parents. I asked Lee how she would describe the movie and she said, "Enlightening." I would love to take a bunch of you lovely people to see it with me, or at least I recommend that you see it for yourself. You can look it up at
But if you're interested in joining me leave a note, send a message, or give me a call.
And remember always to keep an open mind.


October 16, 2006

What I Read Today When Working Out at Coles

From Friendship With God by Neale Donald Walsch

"To be totally accepting means not to quarrel with what is showing up right now. It means not to reject it, or throw it back, or walk away from it, but to embrace it, hold it, love it as if it were your own. Because it is your own. It is your own creation, with which you are well pleased -- unless you are not.

If you are not, you will resist owning what you have created, and what you resist persists. Therefore rejoice, and be glad, and should the present circumstance or condition be one which you now choose to change, simply choose to experience it in another way. The outward appearance, the outward manifestation, may not be altered at all, but your inner experience of if can and will be changed forever, simply out of your decision about it.

Remember, this is what you are after. You are not concerned with outer appearances, only with your inner experience. Let the outer world be what it is. Create your inner world as you would have it be. This is what is meant by being in your world, but not of it. This is mastery in living." p320-1

"...the most powerful prayer I ever heard. Thank you, God, for helping me to understand that this problem has already been solved for me.

The next time you are confronted with a condition or circumstance you judge to be problematical, express your immediate gratitude not only for the solution, but for the problem itself. By so doing, you instantly change your perspective on it, and your attitude about it.

Next, bless it...Give it your best energies and your highest thought.  In this, you make it your friend, and not your enemy; that which supports you, rather that that which opposes you.

Then, accept it, and resist no evil. For what you resist, persists. Only what you accept can you change.

Now, envelop it with love. Whatever you are experiencing, you can literally love any undesired experience away. In a sense, you can 'love it to death.'

Finally, be joyful, for the exact and perfect outcome is at hand. Nothing can take your joy away from you, for joy is Who You Are, and who you will always be. So, in the face of every problem, do a joyful thing." p327

The Five Attitudes of God (and Us):

Grateful, Blessing, Accepting, Loving, Joyful.


"If he is seen as wearing two hats, reporters as well as the public will inevitably wonder: Is he speaking to us now as the traditional press secretary, or is he speaking to us as a political partisan?"
DAVID R. GERGEN, an adviser to four presidents, on Tony Snow's sideline role as a speaker at fund-raisers for Republican candidates.

October 15, 2006


"Duke has been the wake-up call. People always thought big-time coaches might be the face of the institution, but Duke proved it can be the athletes who are the face of the institution."
CONSTANCE NEARY, a risk analyst, on universities that are cracking down on misbehavior by athletes.

October 14, 2006


"He proved the impossible: that the poor were bankable."
JONATHAN J. MORDUCH, an economics professor at New York University, on Muhammad Yunus, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for pioneering work in giving tiny loans to millions of poor people.

October 13, 2006


"When we are working, we are working nervously. We are carrying our souls in our hands."
SABAH AL-ATIA a trash collector in Baghdad.

October 11, 2006


Devouring time, blunt thou the lion's paws, and make the earth devour her own sweet brood; pluck the keen teeth from the fierce tiger's jaws, and burn the long-lived phoenix in her blood; make glad and sorry seasons as thou fleets, and do whate'er thou wilt, swift-footed time, to the wide world and all her fading sweets; but I forbid thee one most heinous crime: O, carve not with thy hours my love's fair brow, nor draw no lines there with thine antique pen; him in thy course untainted do allow for beauty's pattern to succeeding men. Yet, do thy worst, old time: despite thy wrong, my love shall in my verse ever live young.


A Release

Nobody cares.  Not one single person.

Actually that's not fair, my friends care and I love them for it. 

My friends care.  I love my friends.  So maybe I should be happy with that.  Happy with the mutual love of friendship.

But in the end my friends won't fuck me.  Nope I pretty much am fucked by everyone else.

So people say I'm good looking.  Fuck that, they don't care.  They don't care what I look like, and they don't care who I am.

If I wanna fuck you, then you don't give a fuck about me.  Thank you, thank you for making perfect sense.

Ok yeah, I'm desperate.  I'm desperate for a decent person.  I'm desperate for someone well adjusted, who is mature, who is open minded, who sees the surface, who sees inside, who makes sense.  Who fucking MAKES SENSE.  Don't be an ass, tell me you're sorry, then continue to be an ass.

I need someone to hurt me.  I want to feel the pain of loving someone.  That sweet pain.  I want to carry the burden of loving someone.  That warm embrace. 

I'm desperate for him.  I'm desperate for her.  Yes I know I'm desperate.  Desperation is my love turned sour.  It infects my soul.  Love into desperation, now fetid in my heart.

I live in delusion, delusion and solitude.  I live in illusion, illusion of pain.

I feel separate from you.

I want to thank you. I want to help you and use you. I want to embrace you. I want to love you and trust you. I want to know you.

Will you know me. Will you trust me. Will you love me. Will you embrace me. Will you use me. Will you help me. Will you thank me.  Will you please.

I feel separate from you.

You, You, You, You, You.

I am talking to You.  What would love do now?  What the fuck does that mean?


Thank God for my friends.  They are the best.  I love you all, really I do.  I don't say that enough.  I love you all.  All of you.  Every single one of you.  Every single person who smiles at me.  Every person who calls me back when I call them.  Every person who has stopped to see how I was, and then listened to me.  Every person who has asked me to listen to them.  The people I laugh with, walk with, eat with, and talk with.  The people I sing with, dance with, party with, and love with.  I love you all, and if you don't think I'm talking to you then you are mistaken.  Once I know you, I can't help but love you.  You are beautiful and perfect.  That is the truth.

Thank God.  God I am grateful.  Grateful for the people you have set in my life.

October 09, 2006

Living Limitless

Not Gay, Not Straight, Not Bi

Labels are limiting.  I will not put myself into a box.

For what greater gift could I receive than another person's love?

"There is no form and there is no manner in which the expression of love that is pure and true is inappropriate."

-- Neale Donald Walsch, Friendship With God

September 22, 2006

Duckin' Duck

The following is an FCC-approved version of how I feel right now:

Duckin' duck, duck, duck, duck, duckin' up your duckin' duck-hole duck, ducker duckin' ship-faced duck, of all the DUCKS in the world I'm the duckin' duck of them ALL.

Duck, duck, duck, DUCK, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duckin' duck, duck, duck, DUCK, duck, duck, DUCK, duck, duck, duck, duck, ducker, duckin' duck.

You know after saying it that many times, it just kind of loses all meaning.  Feels good though.

August 23, 2006

Keep Going

Have you ever heard of this awesome quote from Winston Churchill, it goes a little something like this:

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

I swear, for whatever reason, I just absolutely love this quote.  This is why I respect Winston Churchill, because he accomplished so much and always had a sense of humor.

Anyways it's kind of funny why I am suddenly thinking about this quote so much.  A couple days ago my best friend in the world, or my BFITW, was telling me about this great song she heard on the radio that had helped her deal with me, her BFITW, moving 3000 miles away.  The song is called "If You're Going Through Hell" by Rodney Atkins (the link will take you to iTunes).  Although it's country, I actually really like it, and the best part about it, except for the fact that my BFITW loves it, is that it was inspired by the Winston Churchill quote.  For whatever reason that quote is so very inspiring to me.  It's so simple and yet says so much.

Life, just keep going.

August 21, 2006

Path to Enlightenment

I feel like crap this morning and I don't know why.  I'm reading this book right now that is supposed to help me control my negative emotions and it says in order for me to do that I need to identify what thoughts are causing those emotions.  So I know I feel like crap right now and I don't like it but I also don't feel like spending the time to discover what unconscious thoughts are causing this negative emotion.

At first I thought I didn't want to do this because I just woke up and am tired.  But as I am writing this I am discovering that part of the reason I don't want to look deep inside my unconscious is out of fear.  Now I just have to figure out what I'm afraid of, which would probably also show me what is making me feel all crappy. 

Enlightenment can be such a pain in the ass sometimes.

March 13, 2006

Sunday at the Square

This is my cryptic letter from NYU, which I can only interpret to mean...


That is pretty d*mn sweet.

March 12, 2006


What is it about supposedly "straight" guys that makes them act so unbelievably gay when they all hang out together in a group? Especially when there is at least one girl present.

I've started to notice how close guy friends act increasingly gay around each other. Whether they be wrestling (a.k.a. laying on top of each other) or feigning gay-ness by cuddling and whatnot. They try to act like they do this for the girl, but what about when they make gay jokes about themselves...when there are NO girls around. Are they all just expressing their suppressed gay tendencies? Are they really Bi but refusing to admit, or what? What is it that makes guys act so incredibly man-on-man around each other?

I don't know. I read something once which said that there are no truly 100% straight or 100% gay people, that everyone has a little bit of attraction to both sexes at the same time...just some people have it more pronounced to one gender over another. So maybe thats true and all these guys do have some type of feelings toward the same sex, but they're not that strong and society is too conservative to accept the idea that one person could both love a man and a woman interchangeably. Society (a.k.a. religion, conformity, and all that stems from it) is damaging, limiting, non-functional and keeping people from being able to experience love in a free and open manner, without any restrictions.

So maybe a lot of guys have unrealized feelings for other guys and they subconciously act on those feelings in the ways I describe before. I'm afraid we may never know, because people are too afraid to ask the question.

Let love be love. No judgement attached.

March 10, 2006


So it's a friday night and I am doing absolutely nothing. Sitting in my kitchen, surfing the web and watching Will & Grace re-runs, for the last 3 and a half hours. Why? Is it because I am utterly devoid of a social life?

I like to believe that I can answer that honestly with a "no". I could be out doing something with friends but...I just got too comfortable sitting at home and decided not to call my friends to see what they were doing, even though I know they are going out. Heck I even called my one friend and told her I would see her later tonight. But now I am just sitting here and just don't wanna.

The truth is I don't feel like I have the energy to go out. It isn't the act of going out I don't have the energy for. It's the act of being fun, interesting, cool, and completely easygoing/nonconfrontational. I'm never me when I'm out with my friends. Because I don't think I would have friends for much longer if I just acted like myself and not like the friendly everything goes guy I am around them. Because people have a tendecy to misunderstand my true personality as one of being an "asshole". Which isn't true, I just tell it like it is, complete honesty, and total loyalty and care. Don't you get it? I'm blunt because I like you. The people I don't like, I don't talk to.

What I really want tonight is someone to hang out with. A real friend who I could spend hours with, not talking at all, and never feel awkward. Kinda like how I am with my mom, but I want someone who isn't related to me. Someone who will be just as honest, frank, loyal, and loving with me as I am with them. That's what I value, the truth no matter how good or bad from someone who loves you. That means something. That is a true friend.

I suppose I'm saying I want a soulmate. Whether it be a friend or a lover, I want someone, other than family, who is always there, even when they're not.

Is that so much to ask? nahh