Sunday at the Square

This is my cryptic letter from NYU, which I can only interpret to mean...

I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED TO NYU!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is pretty d*mn sweet.

luv-b-luv

What is it about supposedly "straight" guys that makes them act so unbelievably gay when they all hang out together in a group? Especially when there is at least one girl present.

I've started to notice how close guy friends act increasingly gay around each other. Whether they be wrestling (a.k.a. laying on top of each other) or feigning gay-ness by cuddling and whatnot. They try to act like they do this for the girl, but what about when they make gay jokes about themselves...when there are NO girls around. Are they all just expressing their suppressed gay tendencies? Are they really Bi but refusing to admit, or what? What is it that makes guys act so incredibly man-on-man around each other?

I don't know. I read something once which said that there are no truly 100% straight or 100% gay people, that everyone has a little bit of attraction to both sexes at the same time...just some people have it more pronounced to one gender over another. So maybe thats true and all these guys do have some type of feelings toward the same sex, but they're not that strong and society is too conservative to accept the idea that one person could both love a man and a woman interchangeably. Society (a.k.a. religion, conformity, and all that stems from it) is damaging, limiting, non-functional and keeping people from being able to experience love in a free and open manner, without any restrictions.

So maybe a lot of guys have unrealized feelings for other guys and they subconciously act on those feelings in the ways I describe before. I'm afraid we may never know, because people are too afraid to ask the question.

Let love be love. No judgement attached.

Friendly

So it's a friday night and I am doing absolutely nothing. Sitting in my kitchen, surfing the web and watching Will & Grace re-runs, for the last 3 and a half hours. Why? Is it because I am utterly devoid of a social life?

I like to believe that I can answer that honestly with a "no". I could be out doing something with friends but...I just got too comfortable sitting at home and decided not to call my friends to see what they were doing, even though I know they are going out. Heck I even called my one friend and told her I would see her later tonight. But now I am just sitting here and just don't wanna.

The truth is I don't feel like I have the energy to go out. It isn't the act of going out I don't have the energy for. It's the act of being fun, interesting, cool, and completely easygoing/nonconfrontational. I'm never me when I'm out with my friends. Because I don't think I would have friends for much longer if I just acted like myself and not like the friendly everything goes guy I am around them. Because people have a tendecy to misunderstand my true personality as one of being an "asshole". Which isn't true, I just tell it like it is, complete honesty, and total loyalty and care. Don't you get it? I'm blunt because I like you. The people I don't like, I don't talk to.

What I really want tonight is someone to hang out with. A real friend who I could spend hours with, not talking at all, and never feel awkward. Kinda like how I am with my mom, but I want someone who isn't related to me. Someone who will be just as honest, frank, loyal, and loving with me as I am with them. That's what I value, the truth no matter how good or bad from someone who loves you. That means something. That is a true friend.

I suppose I'm saying I want a soulmate. Whether it be a friend or a lover, I want someone, other than family, who is always there, even when they're not.

Is that so much to ask? nahh