December 11, 2006

The Question is

I love questions. I love that they usually are more interesting than the answer. They hold so much possibility. They can be whatever you want them to be. When asking a question you don't have to be worried about being right or wrong. You can just ask, send out your inquisitive thought to the world. And in my experience I have often found that my answer eventually gets back to me. Sometimes it is immediate, sometimes it takes an extremely long time, and sometimes it's somewhere in between.

I have a lot of questions in my life right now...always. Questions about essays and interpretive claims. Questions about future and life. Questions about friends and questions about relationships, love, pain, and all else in between.

One downside about questions is that they can be pretty darn annoying. Especially those ones that don't go away. The worst questions are the ones that you think about everyday right when you wake up. Like "How am I ever going to write my essay?" or "Why am I so hung up on this guy?" I've been carrying these two questions around with me for awhile. The former of the two will be answered at the latest on this Thursday at 12 noon. The latter...well it's hard to say when I'll get to answer that question.

I think the problem lies in how I should go about answering these questions. I'm not really sure what to write about in my essay, and the situation with the guy is so ambiguous and awkward that it's hard for me to get close enough to it to really explore what happened.

It's always unfortunate, you know, when situations are pushed so far to one extreme and a hole has been dug so deep that now no one knows how to deal with it. Usually when it gets like that, I just stop worrying about social appropriateness and rules of relationships and just take everything head on. I'm like a blunt instrument, a bull in a china shop, I just say what I think and throw all decorum out the window. Because there comes a time when my patience and decency just wears out and I am so desperate for some peace that I'll force it if I have to. But in this current situation I'm avoiding doing any of that at all costs. It is my experience that being a blunt instrument doesn't generally give you desirable results. Sure you may get answers but they are forced answers and they generally come out on the negative side. So I'm trying to teach myself patience. Eternal, infinite, un-ending patience. The answer will come, guaranteed. No matter how long it takes I know, I KNOW, that the answer will come as long as I am ready to receive it.

No comments:

Post a Comment